i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
