Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
