Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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