I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize