I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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