you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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