so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
