I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
