The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
