ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
