I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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