Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
