so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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