handjob tips. give me some.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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