I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
