i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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