This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Pooping to opera.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
