I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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