Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize