you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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