What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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