Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
