You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
