Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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