Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
