Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
