He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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