I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
