he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
