from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I could have mohawked her pubes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
