He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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