I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
