o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
