I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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