I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
