doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
