umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
