the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
