Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
