That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
