The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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