I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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