She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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