i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
