DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.