we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
