I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
