You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
