We named our party play list daddy issues
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
