She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"