How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
