Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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