haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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