my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
