If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
is that a dick in a sweater?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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