THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hippo gnu deer
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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