I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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