I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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