I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
