I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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