I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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