not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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