Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize