You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Still dying that you shit outside
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
