So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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