Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The air was thick with penises
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
