There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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