I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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