Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
