So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
