I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
