sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
