If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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