he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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