There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
