I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
