So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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