Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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