Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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