There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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