so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
