they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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