that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
