Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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